Another chance, a new life, a new beginning. Sounds like the lottery right? That’s the only words to describe where I began the journey of returning the power of my life back to myself. CASH is where the road I was on took me and let’s face it, I was broken, low, unsure, addicted, alone, and vulnerable. What I can say is it still is the best day of my new life, not only was I welcomed with wonderfully un-judging arms…I was met where I was at in that moment of my life.
This program redefined how I felt about myself with the support of the woman who represents it. I was not expected to give names or testify in court, rather give my own name and testify my own life. If you asked me then if I believed I could be here now my answer would be no. Not because I am not good enough but because my brain had been so programmed to believe that I did not just deserve the life I was stuck in, but that I was also only worth that type of life. What a new day this is, a new me that has not forgotten where I have been or where I came from.
Through CASH, many supportive services were not forced, instead offered. I was given my choices back in life to make mistakes and learn from them. Coming from a place that had no free contact, this took a while to get used to. Every day I am learning self-love and care even more without the expectation of how life should be, according to a man. I have to say this feels undeserved at times because I am more unforgiving than others on myself. At the same time the more I focus on the level of gratitude I have, more doors open and trudging the road to happiness seems less farfetched. I know for a fact that I was incapable of making the choice on my own to walk in the same shoes in a different direction. This wasn’t because the roads were blocked, they just didn’t exist. Through CASH I was able to be housed in a program that was not only free to me, but also a “safe house” that was approved by the county for my daughter to be returned home.
As I sat alone, when I was ready to leave the life I once lived, I asked myself how I would do it? Where could I go? Would they really help? Would I be strong enough to make it? I sit here today, with 3 years outside of that life that was sure to kill me, at a desk I once sat at for my own intake, with the opportunities to advocate for women just like me. Becoming the representative for the very program that saved my life by giving me the choice to live is such an understatement of a survivor. Will this be the same for everyone? Of course not, the catch is when you come here, there are people here that do care and are willing to help, and when I played my numbers this time, I won. Forever grateful I am to this program known as CASH.